I have to change My mindset...
I'm not patient...I need to work on that!
I expect to see results right away!
I agree, this is not a realistic, it's not a good mindset when you're trying to lose weight.
What I am grateful for, is feeling good about who I am, no matter what my size is. I can be in a swimsuit and I don't mind. Sure, I want to be skinnier and fit into a specific size jeans and weigh a certain weight, but that has never made me feel less of myself, just uncomfortable when my muffin top is being seen by everyone.
Stupid muffin-top, I don't care if you ARE the best part of the muffin!
I wish I was a type A personality who committed and executed all my marvelous health plans, but I'm not and I fall off the wagon and get bored with routine quickly. I lose weight and put on weight, I run and I don't run, I swim and I don't swim...you get the idea.
This last June I lost a very dear friend very unexpectedly. Not only was she like family to me, her daughter is one of my dearest friends. It was very difficult to watch a friend pass away and then also watch your best friend lose her mother, her best friend, her only family. She had also lost her dad 8 months, almost to the day her mother passed. Death is so painful, which ever way it happens. This turned my summer around in so many ways.
Below is a picture us during a wonderful trip we had, October 2012. Marilyn is my friend who passed. So grateful for this trip, we had the BEST time that will forever be cherished.
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| Andrea, Megs, Marilyn & Me |
Previous to this I had been doing crossfit and running and gearing up for 2-races and when my friend went in the hospital on the night before the triathlon I stopped everything, which was the right thing to do. I was able to be with my friends and say goodbye for the 2-weeks she was in the hospital. We didn't expect to lose her and we were actually making plans to move her some where as she was out of the hospital. Things took a turn for the worst the last couple days and she was gone.
This summer was very different than what I planned, but death changes you. All I wanted to do after losing her, was be with my friends and family, reconnect with old friends. I put working out on the back burner, it just wasn't important to me.
That has led to today! Trying to get back on track. Why had it taken so long, oh yes and we also bought a new house! We love it, but I couldn't think of anything else for about 3-months as we prepared for moving, I have never moved a household before...I think I would rather birth a child than move...its so much work and it never ends. I love our new house though...it's amazing to have space and to LOVE our house.
So now that things are getting back to normal, whatever that is! It's was time to start making healthier choices, making time to exercise and oh yah, we booked our yearly trip to San Diego and I really, really want my shorts to fit!
(why can't I ever write a short post)
2-weeks ago I started eating whole-foods! Not letting all the garbage in, no more beer or glass a wine at night, no processed stuff. Lots of lean protein, veggies, fruit and drinking water. I also started doing some weights and walking! Oh and this week I started back at master's swimming and also did a spin class.
Yah, great progress, right!
But I'm discouraged! Weight is not FALLING off, I haven't lost 100 pounds! Why?
I keep telling myself that this is about MY health. This is not about getting skinny and dropping weight quickly. It's about making healthy choices, exercising on a regular basis. Eating healthy most of the time. It's not about being perfect or following a food program.
I want to be healthy! I want to feel good, strong and healthy.
I have to keep reminding myself of this! *
Good thing too because I just ate some animal cookies.
Bringing balance to all aspects of life. The truth is I feel better mentally and physically when I'm making good choices and have got my heart rate up for the day. I also feel different in my clothes when I've been making healthier choices. It doesn't mean that my clothes fit me how I want them to...but I just feel better. So much of this is mental. If I eat out and have dessert that doesn't mean I'm a failure, it doesn't mean to stop making healthy choices because I blew it at that meal.
Life is such a journey! The more I learn about food and nutrition the more I can't go back to the old way I used to do things...some ignorance is bliss! Knowledge changes you and it's hard to go back.
I'm trying to make each day count for tomorrow. Long-term health.
I want to be healthy, not skinny (well I would like to be, but God didn't make me naturally skinny.) just healthy for me, for my body. Getting older is nice for this stuff...you get more comfortable with you you are, and worry less about trying to be someone you are not. Being healthy for Jill looks different than anyone else. My size, me weight...those are numbers that will never measure up to the worlds standards. But if I'm healthy and my blood work is good, I feel good and continuing to make good decision, well then that is something!
There is not an end to a healthy lifestyle, I will never feel as though I have arrived and achieved this perfect healthy lifestyle. It's a constant, I have to keep telling myself that. What a relief!
So HEALTH, it's a long-term thing!
